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It Could Be You ~ What Domestic Violence Actually Looks Like

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It has been some time since I posted here. I only post when I feel I need or want to. The subject must be important to me in order to want to share my thoughts with the few of you who may read this.   I am pretty sure that none of you know what exactly I do for work. Well, one small part of my job is redacting audio and video for the Police Department. Now that we have body cameras and a new recording system that small part of my job has increased. With that I now see and hear more than I ever did before. This week as I was redacting a case my gut hurt and I felt sick. I was listening to a woman tell officers all the reasons why her former partner would never follow through on threats to her life. All I could think about was Mary. All I could think about was all these excuses mean nothing when one event can end your life. One event that will forever change your friends and family’s life. One event that you never thought would really happen will destroy you and your loved one’s ...
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H2H 2018

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I am unsure what exactly to write about. What started out as an adventure I was frightened yet excited about ended in sadness and incredible pain both physically and mentally. I have heard so many people say “You were basically there” “Everyone thinks the saddle is the summit, so you are fine!” And thankfully only 1 person said “so…what happened?” It wasn’t for lack of training or ability that I didn’t really finish. It was for lack of daylight. I pushed as hard as I could even if that push was a very slow walk. At times that was all I could do in between sleep hiking and hallucinating. Not reaching the summit was never one of my fears for some reason. I truly believed that we would make it to the TH in plenty of time. Maybe I was being naïve. Maybe it was because there is no rule book and you must make it all up. Maybe I just wasn’t ready yet and the next time will be amazing. I don’t know.  The Beginning   So, let me tell you a stor...
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Thank You....

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To say that this year has been a roller coaster of emotions would be an understatement. This year was a year of firsts and with that always comes heightened emotions. Good, bad and ugly ( crying). Although technically its my 12th year racing-from sprint tri's to 24 hour bikes-2017 was my 1st year. The first year with a body that worked (most of the time). I have known for 15 years that something was wrong but assumed it was my fault ( more on that later). This is the first year that I had the ability to run at 100%. No battle fatigue after a 5k. No sleeping 48 hours after a bike. No aches and pains that would last for weeks after a run. No blinding migraines that would last for days. No insomnia that would keep me wide awake when I was so tired I wanted to cry. Real training. The way I assume most of the world trains. So IMAZ in  a few days will be a 1st too. I have never ever raced a race. I have no idea what to expect. It's scary AND so exciting!!! I'd like to tha...
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Lake Havasu Half- The 1st Day Of The Rest Of My Life

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The day I thought may never come again finally came and it was AMAZING!!!!! Toughman Lake Havasu was about so much more than my final finish time. It was about beating demons. It was about proving to my body that it CAN do what the mind tells it. It was about taking the first step into my “new” training/racing life. The old me is gone. Her  body and snarky sense of humor are still here but the engine has been rebuilt. I needed this race to prove to myself that I was going to be ok. Right up until the morning of I still had this tiny voice in my head that said  “What if you fall asleep on the bike? What if you can’t get out of bed for 4 days afterwards? What if you blackout? What if the old me is still in here and just needs this door to open to come back to life?” Well, the old me didn’t come out to play and I feel positive that she has gone away forever. I have worked so hard to make sure that I don’t even look at food that isn’t ok for me to eat, take all the right ...
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Relentless Forward Progress

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I promised myself a year ago that if I ever felt well enough again to race and train I would never squander an opportunity to do so.  Fast forward 1 year and 1 amazing opportunity later and here I am. I am finally about to race again. And like I promised myself… I am taking full advantage of all that I have been given. The last year has given me my health back, a new and HUGE chance to be coached by someone who gets me and a new bike of my dreams. I cannot waste this time. 3 years have already been lost so to speak. I used to get asked a lot what makes me want to push through and Ironman or big training days.  It started as an escape. A way to do what my mother always said I could never do. Be someone. Do something amazing. Succeed. To grow up the way I did makes it easy to push through pain and see things to the end. I can’t give up because I had to fight the 1 st 17 years of my life or I would not have survived. Everyday was a day closer to leaving. In racing eve...
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