H2H 2018

I am unsure what exactly to write about. What started out as an adventure I was frightened yet excited about ended in sadness and incredible pain both physically and mentally.

I have heard so many people say

“You were basically there”

“Everyone thinks the saddle is the summit, so you are fine!”

And thankfully only 1 person said “so…what happened?”

It wasn’t for lack of training or ability that I didn’t really finish. It was for lack of daylight. I pushed as hard as I could even if that push was a very slow walk. At times that was all I could do in between sleep hiking and hallucinating.

Not reaching the summit was never one of my fears for some reason. I truly believed that we would make it to the TH in plenty of time. Maybe I was being naïve. Maybe it was because there is no rule book and you must make it all up. Maybe I just wasn’t ready yet and the next time will be amazing. I don’t know.

The Beginning

So, let me tell you a story about a girl who heard of this crazy idea and what happened.

Last year after Ironman AZ my Sgt brought up to me that I should look into doing something big and adventurous now that I am “back” and healthy. Ironman was great but maybe something new would be cool. So, he told me about Hole to Hump. I am lucky enough to have 2 guys local who have not only done it multiple times but 1 also holds the FKT. So I went to talk to them. I was instantly in love and had to do it. Convincing B was a hard sell since after my last 60k he made me promise to never do another ultra-marathon again because he said he watched me take 5 years off my life. But my body is completely different now. Thankfully he agreed.

For the next 9 months I obsessed over running, hiking, mapping, recon, planning, packing, lists, lists, more lists.

Now we are here. Mile 0. 8:30 PM and we start out descent into the Grand Canyon via S Kaibab Trail.

The Start

The hike down was great. I loved hiking in the moonlight and it was shockingly WARM. I loved seeing headlamps coming towards us and having no idea how close they were. I loved it all.

We reach the Colorado River, turn off our headlamps and watch the full moon dance in the sky with a million blinking stars. The walls of the Canyon start to come into view. The stars get brighter while the sky gets darker. The soft sound of the water rolling over the rocks heading downstream. A part of me, in fear, wished I was going downstream too. I have no idea what is about to happen. Uncharted territory that I hope my body will be able to adapt to. I never spoke to anyone about it, but my biggest fear was setting my body back 10 years. What if this much stress on my system sent it back into panic mode and I pay the ultimate price of not only going backwards health wise but not being able to come back this time. What if doing this made THIS my last adventure? Thankfully at the stroke of midnight and as we hike back out of the Canyon, those thoughts disappeared. I think I even made a joke at one point after getting past the “switchbacks from hell” that if I get the COPD from this I will say it was all worth it.

We land at the top of the Canyon around 3:40. A good deal faster than the last time I did it when my asthma + head cold + heat tried to kill me. It was FREEZING!!! We head to the 1^st aid station, Kevin and I change, and I set out to run the road for the next 9.5 miles while Kevin bikes behind me for safety. I am pretty sure he was frozen solid since I felt like I was hauling ass but on a bike…. not so much.

This stretch was cool. We heard an Elk right next to us bugling and as the sun rose that was all we heard in surround sound. We get to the next aid station at mile 16 early (yay!). I attempt to take a nap but even though I am exhausted I can’t sleep. I woke up to an amazing sight. Tracy made 2 posters that had pictures of Fallen Officers including 2 big ones of Officer Gannon and Sgt Chesna. I am pretty sure I cried a little, but it also woke me up. Let’s do this. Next leg is part of the AZ trail but on Forest Roads. We will be on various Forest Roads for the next 41 miles.

Mile 16

B mountain biked beside me and Tracy leap frogged us giving me a bottle of Skratch at each stop to swig down and take my 2 gel wrappers an hour. I was feeling good. We did this for about 10 miles before exhaustion hit again and I asked Tracy and B if I could just lay down for 20 minutes and try to take a power nap. Failed attempt to nap but we continue after 20 minutes and some food. 29 hours without sleep.

It started getting incredibly hot. I knew it would be warm, but we had certainly not planned on it being in the mid 90’s in late September. We alternate cooling hat and wet towels and I keep walk/jogging. Apparently, I was burping after everything that went into my mouth. Gels, water, food. I just burped immediately. B tells me not to burp 3 times. The 3^rd will be a mini puke. Well he was right. While jogging downhill, sun blaring and cows staring at me I mini puke and think WTAF….. Don’t burp 3 times.

We finally get to a spot we called in the map book “giant woodpile and fucked up tree” @ mile 35. Rachel and Sean are waiting with food and shade and a Starbucks Americano!!! Want to know how tired I was…it didn’t help at all. By this point caffeine was not doing anything for me. 32 hours without sleep.

I knew how long all the stretches were but when you are sleep deprived and exhausted everything seems longer and slower. I felt like hell the next 22 miles. The road never ended, the sun never went down, there were no clouds in sight, my toes were about to fall off. Lesson learned. I swell easily and badly. While toes socks prevent blisters well they also turn into mini toe tourniquets.

What I haven’t told you yet is that I was having pretty bad stomach distress. It started a few weeks before we left. I like to tell myself I have rare unlikely health issues. Right now I have scurvy- a rash on my chest. It makes me laugh for some messed up reason. So I had told myself it was fine I just have a parasite J However by now it was not fine. When I wasn’t on the side of the road with wet wipes I was waiting to run to the side of the road. Also there is nowhere to hide so that was interesting. The downside of stomach distress is the possibility of dehydration. Somewhere along this stretch of road Tracy asks, “you are peeing, right?”. Ummm…no…. not since yesterday…. Maybe this was an issue. I really don’t think so. I was drinking a ton of water/Skratch. I could simply not ingest any more than I was.

We finally hit the Forest Road that will lead me the last 6 miles to mile 56 where I will nap and meet up for a 13 mile stretch on the AZT through the night. I had hoped to be here sooner, but I wasn’t really concerned. If I thought ahead I was going to panic so I really tried hard to stay in the now. I had long ago stopped asking what mile we were at or where intersections were. At this point in time I also wonder why the #bff had not told me her car was vandalized. Clearly someone spray painted Stencil art all over it. I’ll have to ask her about it later. It’s pretty and very artsy. She probably likes it and that’s why she keeps it on there.

Then I hear a voice and assumed I was hallucinating. It was my Coworker Aka Boss Lady Sherri. She and her husband had randomly found us!!! What are the chances? She cheered me on and walked with me for a bit. It was a shock and a boost to my energy. My headlamp was getting dim, so they drove behind Sean and I for a bit so we could see then drove ahead to mile 56 to meet us. I see our car at some point on this stretch. I thought B had left so I tear up a bit because I get to see him. He gets out of the car and comes to me smiling. I can’t speak because I am so tired. He looks at me and asks “How are you not dead yet?”. Well that is good. That must mean I am still somehow alive and not dreaming this whole thing!

I was a little surprised by how quickly that 10k went by. We arrived with blistered feet and I drop into a chair to prep for the next leg. Eat, change, nap attempt, spoon with #bff attempt. 42 hours on no sleep.

The next 13 miles are a blur. I sleep walk, I wake up to Kevin and Jan talking or staring at me and I burst into tears because I don’t know what is happening. I just want a good nap. I know I can’t yet. Kevin and Jan had the hardest job of the whole h2h. This stretch could not have been very enjoyable for them. Jan holding my bag of noodles and Kevin loaded up like a pack mule. My blisters were so bad I had a hard time walking and I was really confused about where we were at almost every intersection. I remember breaking down at least 3 times, but I am sure they would tell you I did more. I was also staring to hallucinate HARD. The trail, from what I remember, was a very fine sand for long stretches. With a headlamp it made odd shadows and almost gave me a “sand-blind” kind of sensation where everything was just a white out but tan. I remember wondering why someone had littered this seemingly remote area with magazines. Porn magazines. From the 60s. yeah… I saw old time porn everywhere. Well, what I assume it must have looked like in the 60s haha! Black and white images on paper of naked people. There was also a squirrel that kept following us. I wasn’t sure why, but he would just pop up places.

Here’s the crazy thing about hallucinating. At the time it seems so real. And no matter how much you try to focus your eyes on the thing being hallucinated you still can not really see it. It is there, and your mind and eyes see it but somewhere deep in your brain a little voice says it isn’t real. I wish I could describe it better. Basically, I was never really worried because a few minutes later it was gone, and we were on to the next thing or hallucination.

When this stretch is done, and we arrive at mile 69 I am toast. I can’t stand up straight, I can’t see straight, and my feet were killing between blisters and toe nails. I was finally able to nap. I don’t know how long it was, but I slept solid. I awoke to everything ready to go for the next 2 legs and in a fog. It was good but not enough to really feel recovered. 49 hours without sleep.

I always loved this stretch. Aspen woods, fields where wildflowers bloom in the spring and Mt Humphrey right overhead. I saw it very differently this time. At one point in the Aspen woods I saw that someone set up a Teddy Bear Picnic. A table with 3 giant stuffed black bears one with a pink checkered hat. Sitting a table (how did they get that out here?) that had a tea set. It was so cute!! How come I never saw that before? Well, because as we got closer it was 2 tree stumps that were charred from a fire way back when. After this incident I started to get mad at Mary because she was leading the way (The way that I already knew) but I thought she was taking us in circles. I kept seeing the same parking lot. In the middle of nowhere. Old Fashioned cars were always parked in large groups and the dirt lot they were in was surrounded by log barriers to keep them from driving into the woods. As we got closer I could SEE the cars. What the hell. How did they get back here? They were trees not cars. Thankfully Mr. Squirrel was still following me. He can get us out of here if we need help.

#dying

We started to see the front of the pack people from the Stagecoach 100 that was happening along part of our route but in the opposite direction. I see 2 people run towards us and pass us. I know the guy, but I cannot get the words out of my mouth. I can barely get any words or thoughts out anyway. I pause then here “Heidi!” followed by “It’s Heidi? She is doing the thing.” It was Adam and Lindsey from Sedona Running Co. Adam was one of the guys I spoke of earlier. I would go to him and ask questions about this whole crazy thing that I just happened to be calling “The Thing” up until I made it public I was running it. He has completed it and crewed it multiple times. I was super excited to see them although it didn’t show I’m sure. They give words of encouragement and we part ways. I can not thank Sean enough for his help through this section. I was so unable to think for myself at this point and he stayed behind me and told me what to do, where to go and where to step as people passed us in both directions. Drink, step right, now walk on the grassy parts, go to the left up this rocky section, stay this way (pointing his finger in the direction I needed to go). Drink again.

We finally arrive at Mt Humphrey TH. I am reinvigorated because all the peeps are there. I sit, I eat, I get rolled, taped, blisters popped, change clothes. Mary gives a hard deadline to start. We head to the TH sign and take a group shot then head up the path through a field to start our climb. 55 hours without sleep.

The first 2 miles were great. I was hiking at a normal pace (which felt like balls out to me) and smiling. We are almost done. How can I not smile? I know what to expect. Roots, rocks, boulders. East coast mountain climbing/hiking. At some point I hit the wall like a ton of bricks. I was hit hard by exhaustion and every step and asthmatic breath becomes harder and harder. We reach the last ascent to the Saddle and I must sit. Evert step is so hard. Every breath even harder. We meet up at the Saddle then it’s the hard push to the summit. I cannot see straight, and I am exhausted. It is hard for me to push up onto the rocks/boulders at this point. Bruce and Acosta decide that one will go in front of me and one behind me. One will help pull me up or guide me and one will catch or push me from behind. I know what people are thinking. I can feel their stares. They are more than likely thinking I have no business being out shape and trying to do this climb. They think I am pathetic. They laugh. Trust me I heard plenty of laughs. I only went “Boston” on one guy. Rules of climbing people…. hikers going UP have the right of way. This guy decides he is going to jump onto the only boulder I can climb on to get up. I stand in front of him unable to physically move anywhere else and say, “Up has the right of way”. His response is” there’s nowhere to go lady”. Hell, hath no fury like a girl from Boston who is sleep deprived. I unleash, and B actually laughs instead of telling me to calm down. He then gives me 2 options for a nickname for this guy. I choose McDouche.

Here we are. At the saddest part of the story. I had been looking at the sky and the sun seemed high up still so the thought of stopping was not a thought. Then those words. “Heidi, we have to talk.”

The end of the road

Mary was right. At the pace I was physically able to go and knowing it was going to be even slower going down, it wasn’t going to be safe. .75 miles from the end with the summit nearly in sight we decide to stop. We are exposed and soon would be in the dark, it was absolutely going to be dangerous for all of us. I cry and say it was all for nothing. It takes a few minutes to realize that it isn’t but at that moment everything was a huge waste of time. At that moment my heart, feet and head hurt. At that moment I just wanted to take a nap and forget about everything. But I can’t. We must start the hike down in an attempt to chase the fading sunlight.

The Descent

I do ask the group to meet at the saddle again. I have a Thin Blue Line Flag I was saving for the summit, but we still accomplished a big goal. We raised over 5K for the AZ 100 Club and brought a bit more awareness to a situation that many people are unaware of. It really wasn’t all for nothing. We accomplished something great.

The Saddle

What happens next isn’t important. Kevin and Bruce did an amazing job keeping me positive and fueled. Every 30 damn minutes Kevin said it was time for calories. I surely would have given up by then, but his job was to get me out of there safely and he did.

The drive home was brutal. I couldn’t sit still or fall asleep. The Canyon looked like an inner city with graffiti all on its walls and the plants that line the road were all dancing like Day of the Dead Skeletons. I had to keep closing my eyes. I knew it wasn’t real, but it was areal mind screw. We get home and as I hobble into the house I become really upset. Our upstairs neighbor came in and drew all over our tile in the front hallway. Each tile looked like an old-time post card. Rachel tells me there is nothing there. I am losing my mind. I finally make it into the shower and there is graffiti all over the shower walls. As I gently attempt to take the tape off each toe I see prison style tattoos on each one. Every toe is tattooed with F YOU. I get into bed and fall dead asleep. 67 hours with no sleep.

I never thought I wouldn’t make it. I never wanted to quit. The only negative thoughts I had were at the end when we had to turn around (and almost the whole hike out). I did tell myself a lot that a nap would fix everything. I guess that could be considered a negative thought. I am not sure.

The greatest part of this whole adventure was how much of the time I spent in the moment. I tried hard to never think about the end. I thought about this rock I was going up or these footsteps I was taking or this gel I was eating. For me this is a huge achievement. I have spent a great majority of my life worrying or thinking about what is next and not always appreciating the now.

Lessons learned. I have zero desire to eat on long runs/hikes. I thought that the smell of bacon or food cooking would help which is why I packed and prepped hot foods to have at aid stations. My taste buds were dead. I couldn’t taste anything by mile 30 something. I am not sure what to do about that. I am glad I am so used to gels. I still always had a gel every 30 minutes for a large portion of this crazy thing.

When you don’t want to take another sip of water, drink more. I need to figure out the toes sitch. They swell so toes socks are not helpful at that point.

I heard something the Friday after I got back. I'm going to save it till we are 100% sure it is true but let's just say for now......Spring 2019.

Final Mileage 97.25 miles

Elevation gain 13151 ft

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