Hope

Quick fix. Everybody wants one. I am well aware that quick fixes don’t work. But what if you have been fighting for years and you just don’t want to fight anymore. What if you just want a small thing to go right so that you can see, even if just a little bit, the path ahead of you is starting to clear and the weeds and briar patches that you have fought through are a little less? I don’t think that is too much to ask. But, sometimes, it is. You just have to let go and but trust (WHAT!!!) in someone else and their plan. Not easy for this girl.

The last time I really felt GrEaT was about 5 years ago. I was getting ready for Ironman Lake Placid, finally been diagnosed with Celiac and severe food allergies, and had lost about 34 pounds now that I wasn’t eating everything I was allergic too. I was weight lifting 2X a week, training with Kathy (someone I never thought I could keep up with) and had no stomach issues. 5….years …ago. It had taken a friend’s wife begging me to come see her to figure out that I had celiac and severe food allergies. Before that I was gaining weight even though I trained all the time and ate very little. No Dr. believed me. I went through 3 nutritionists 1 of which outright said I was a liar because the math didn’t add up. NO SHIT! That is why I was there. The math didn’t add up. You shouldn’t be burning 1200 calories in a workout and eating 1200-1400 calories a day and gain pounds a week. All the tests I had showed negative results. No auto immune disease. No thyroid problem. She figured it out, I felt great (relatively speaking) and felt I was on my way.

Fast forward to 2014. My migraines were unbelievable. I ended up at Mayo for seizures. I was gaining weight again. I was super tired all the time. I had insane insomnia (which I have had my whole life), I was so weak even though I had a personal trainer and was lifting 2-3X a week. My bike times slowed WAY down. It was struggle to finish a 13 mile run in under 2:30. Skin is falling off in sheets. I was always sore, tired, and thirsty. Had no appetite but was gaining weight. Not like a pound or 2 a month but a pound or 2 a week!! My head hurt all the time. Again.. I assumed it was me and something I was doing wrong. After all… Dr’s say nothing is wrong.

So.. It must be me. Little background: I was raised by a single German mother. Enough said. I have guilt to spare. This means everything that goes wrong is my fault this included. I have spent the last 5 years trying to figure out what “I” have been doing wrong. I am not gaining muscle- I must need to lift more/heavier. I am gaining weight again- I must need to eat less. I am tired all the time- I must be a lazy fat ass. I have crazy dry skin- I must need to use more lotion. I am thirsty all the time- I need to drink more. I am swelling up after I eat- I need to cut out that food. I am not recovering from workouts – I need a new recovery drink. I have no desire to ride my bike or run- I must be depressed. I have headaches all the time- I need to cut out sugar and caffeine.

Five weeks ago- I show up at a highly recommended local NP’s office exhausted and in tears. We are going to test and see if maybe my hormone levels are off. I tell her my story and…wait for it.. SHE LISTENED!! She believed me! She agreed that the math doesn’t add up and gaining 20#s in 3 months with my workouts/training Does.Not.Make.Sense. She orders bloodwork (a ton of it and I know because I have had a lot of bloodwork done but never 8 vials).

Four weeks ago- I go for a follow up on my bloodwork. I have perfect cholesterol, kidney function, liver function, blood sugar…. Here is the part where I start to cry (again) because she is going to tell me everything is fine. But she doesn’t. She shows me results of hormone tests, Free T3 and T4 tests, Pregnenolone tests and there is something wrong. Very wrong.  Non-existent pregenolone  (which explains why I am always tired) super low hormone levels ( possibly contributing to headaches), very Low T3 and toxic amounts of arsenic, calcium and copper in my system ( why I am not building muscle- this causes cells to dehydrate and impairs muscle growth/repair)  W.T.F seriously… NOBODY had figured this out before her? How is that possible? Simple answer- simple basic tests were done and when they, on the surface, looked good the testing stopped.              

I have spent my lifetime blaming myself. Now I know there is nothing I can do on my own that will help. All the B12 shots in the world will not fix this. In a way there is relief. In a way, there is fear. What if the medicine doesn’t work? Am I wasting my time and $$ weight training when I am not building any muscle? Should I still be dieting?  Seriously….I just want to feel good. I want to be the girl I used to be, even though it was only for a little while. I want to lift weights and see the benefits. I want to bike and feel myself get stronger. I want to hike and not feel like curling up and going to sleep on the side of the trail. I want to wake up and seize the day not spend it at home crying unable to fit in any clothes.

Had I not have talked to a friend and found out that she had the same experiences before she found this Dr then I would not be writing this about the hope I have for my future. I am hoping that someone will read this and decide to fight for their health. Keep moving forward even when you just want to stop fighting. Picture where you want to be in 20, 30 years. I know for me I do not want to be sitting on the couch exhausted, swollen and unable to eat because my stomach hurts.

We are working on getting my Free T3 levels up and Pregnenolone levels up (the average range is 53-357 mine is 9) then we will work on hormone levels, toxicity and gut. I am taking 2 months off training which means I miss a marathon and 70.3 I have had planned. Hope though. I have hope. It will take a long time I am sure to get to a healthy place and I may still cry out of frustration daily but at least there is a path to walk on.