It Could Be You ~ What Domestic Violence Actually Looks Like

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It has been some time since I posted here. I only post when I feel I need or want to. The subject must be important to me in order to want to share my thoughts with the few of you who may read this.   I am pretty sure that none of you know what exactly I do for work. Well, one small part of my job is redacting audio and video for the Police Department. Now that we have body cameras and a new recording system that small part of my job has increased. With that I now see and hear more than I ever did before. This week as I was redacting a case my gut hurt and I felt sick. I was listening to a woman tell officers all the reasons why her former partner would never follow through on threats to her life. All I could think about was Mary. All I could think about was all these excuses mean nothing when one event can end your life. One event that will forever change your friends and family’s life. One event that you never thought would really happen will destroy you and your loved one’s fore
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Love at 157 BPM

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Mountain Man Olympic was not on my radar at all this year. I have not raced in nearly a year and had no intentions of racing until 70.3 Austin in November. That is until a weekend Smashfest on Mt. Lemmon with the #bff turn into a race weekend.

At first I was F**K YEAH!!! Then I realized a few things. 
1. I am not race ready. My nutrition on the Keto diet has been hot and cold on training days. More cold than hot
2. I am so unhappy with where my body is physically I wasn't sure I would even have the endurance to go for 3 hoursish without having to stop. ( Which I hate!!)
3.The last time I was at this race a year ago I had an "episode" that night. I understand that it is unrealistic to think that it would happen again but that slight fear is always with me.

SO I did what Heidi does best.... Push those emotions aside and deal with it on race morning.

The #bff came up from The Valley on Friday when I got out of work. Great afternoon of eating, olive oil and vinegar tastings and #spokescat entertainment. Saturday we both got to sleep in. Like...REALLY sleep in. No 3 am wake up calls. Casually got my gear together and we set out for coffee where 2016 planning of Grand Canyon hikes, 140.6 and 70.3's and ultra marathon happened over GF quiche ( noom noom noooomm). Now I was pumped!! I realized what was missing this past year. Because last year sucked so badly and was so unpredictable I had failed to plan at all for this year. Not that that is a bad thing. It has allowed me to have NO pressure. No mandatory long rides or runs. NO stress if a really long and mentally draining work day turns into another missed swim. But it has also meant loosy goosy training. No real structure which is absolutely something I need.




We packed up and set out up the hill to Flagstaff. 30 minute swim and 30 minute run. Luckily the wetsuit I bought for last years IM I never did fit. Felt great to swim in open water even though I felt like a drowning squirrel. Flailing my arms around and feeling like I was going nowhere. I knew Sunday would be different. I got to meet some of Mary's friends from Phoenix area and was happy to find out they were all just as kind and outgoing as she is. Dinner with everyone and in bed by 7.

Sunday is when I fell in love. I was awoken scared shitless by a face asking me when I was getting up. "3:15" I said. "Well....it is a lot later" said Mary. I jumped out of bed and never even felt the twinge in my back that had been bothering me for days. We got to Lake Mary, set up our spots and I had 90 minutes to feel sick to my stomach. that always ends when the swim start gun goes off. And it did. I got quick "good lucks" and pics with some awesome friends who came out to watch and I went into the water.


As soon as I got out of the water and ran to T1 I knew it would be a good day. I smiled the whole race. Despite all the BS feelings I had/have about myself, I was having fun. real fun. What races are supposed to be. IMTX last year  05/15 was fun. SOMA 09/15 was not fun. I cried, I hated myself, I was fearful, I felt alone. A year later and I feel very different about racing. I don't care about my time. I am not out to win anything. I will leave that to Mary ;)
 
It was an incredibly average race for me which I was and am  more than happy with. I did exactly what I needed to do to not bonk since I was doing this on very little carbs. I took it slow up hills to conserve energy and used gravity to hammer the downhills. Average HR 157 for the bike and run. 




Speaking of Mary winning....... What a great way to end the day watching her and Lauren fight for the 1st OA woman's win!!! Mary in 1st Lauren in 2nd with only a minute in between and a solid 10 minutes over 3rd place. Total BAMF's!!!  



I LOVE triathlon. It took a year of not racing for me to see that clearly. I may never get back to the fitness level I was at. I may never get my body back to where it was at. I will be in a better head space though and I will feel better. I am learning to work with what I've got and right now the trade off is being bigger than I want but feeling better than I have in my life. I'll take it. 






Now.... 2 1/2 weeks till CAMP SMASHFEST!!!!!!!!!

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